I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual

Sloppy Seconds
Música y Letra: Sloppy Seconds

[Dialogue from "Female Trouble",
between Edith Massey and Michael Potter]
Aunt Ida Nelson: Have you met any nice boys in The Swan?
Gator: Oh, pretty nice.
Aunt Ida: I mean any nice queer boys. Did you fool with any of them?
Gator: Aunt Ida, you know I dig women.
Aunt Ida: Aw, don't tell me that.
Gator: Christ, let's not go through this again.
Aunt Ida: All those beauticans and you don't have any boy dates?
Gator: I don't want any boy dates.
Aunt Ida: Oh honey, I'd be so happy if you turned nelly.
Gator: Hey, no way. I'm straight. I mean I like a lot of queers, but I don't dig their equipment, y'know? I like women.
Aunt Ida: But you can change. Queers are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a fag, and had a nice beautician boyfriend. I'd never have to worry.
Gator: There ain't nothing to worry about.
Aunt Ida: I'm worried that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of heterosexuals is a sick and boring life.
Gator: Sometimes I think you're fucking crazy. I'm real happy just the way I am.

People are telling me
that I'm missing out on the fun
'cause I don't go anywhere
and I don't meet anyone,
but I know how rumors fly
when you're a lonely guy
and I'm here to tell you it's a lie.

There's strange things going on
at night most everywhere.
You know those places,
well you'll never see me there.
I walk by other men,
and I don't notice them,
but then those rumors start again.

So I'm gonna tell the world,
I don't wanna be a homosexual.
I'm gonna find a girl
'cause I don't wanna be a homosexual.

I guess that it's okay
if other guys are gay,
but my hormones are one-directional
and I don't wanna be a homosexual.

Somebody tell me what I did to start this talk.
Is it the way I look?
Is it the way I walk?
Is it the clothes I wear,
that make the people stare?
Is it the way I comb my hair?

I'm only hoping maybe there will come a day
when I can make them understand that I'm not gay,
but 'till that day is here,
I guess I'll live in fear
and I curse the day I pierce my ear.

There's nothing wrong with me,
I don't wanna be a homosexual.
Know what I want to be,
and I don't wanna be a homosexual.

Soft boys and closet queens,
think Judy Garland's keen,
but I don't think she's nothing special,
and I don't wanna be a homosexual.

So now I'm wondering
if maybe they're not right,
'cause I've gone all paranoid
and I can't sleep at night.
I went to see the shrink.
What did the doctor think?
I swear to god I saw him wink.

I pray to God I'm wrong.
I don't wanna be a homosexual.
Why did I write this song
if I don't wanna be a homosexual?

I hope it's not too late
for them to set me straight.
I've got to see a real professional
'cause I don't wanna be a homosexual. No.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
No, no.

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be,
I don't wanna be a homosexual.
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be,
I don't wanna be a homosexual.

I don't wanna go with guys named Shamus.
I don't wanna be rich and famous.
I don't wanna go to a French art festival
and I don't wanna be a homosexual.

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be,
I don't wanna be a homosexual.
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be,
I don't wanna be a homosexual.

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be,
I don't wanna be a homosexual.
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be,
I don't wanna be a homosexual.